Community, Not Proximity

By Carol Woolum Roberts

“Some people think they are in community, but they are only in proximity. True community requires commitment and openness. It is a willingness to extend yourself to encounter and know the other.” 

–David Spangler

This last weekend I spent some time in Lincoln City, Oregon with seven women celebrating the upcoming 60th birthday of one of my oldest friends. Her two daughters planned this surprise birthday weekend for their mom Tina. 

Tina and I met when we were four.  I have this vague memory of meeting.  It was at a Tupperware Party our mothers were attending.  Tina and her family had just moved to our hometown of Kellogg.  Her dad was hired to coach the basketball team at Kellogg High School.

Of the other women present, I have known them a long time as well.  I remember when Tina’s sister Katy was born.  Tina and I were in first grade, and she was born on Halloween.  That is a birthday you remember.

I have known both of Tina’s daughters since they were both babies. 

My friend Kellee and I were neighbors growing up, and we met when we were three.

Brenda and I were in kindergarten together and met when we were five.

Karla had my mom as a second-grade teacher.  I met her when I visited mom’s class during the Christmas concert when I was in second grade as well.

There were about ten other of our friends that were invited to come to this weekend birthday celebration but were unable to make the trip for a variety of reasons.

About 20 years ago, this group of friends decided to start meeting together once a year at Christmas for a meal and gift exchange. I think we started in 2001.  We have been having our Christmas get-together ever since.  We made the commitment. 

We expanded beyond just the Christmas outings to summer gatherings, trips together, slumber parties and class reunions.

We have helped one another through troubles with our marriages, our kids, our families, our work, health issues, loss of parents and spouses, and just life in general.

I am so glad we have made a commitment to one another to gather for these various outings to stay in touch and keep that sense of community with one another.  We have shown a willingness to extend ourselves to encounter and know each other. 

For me, being a part of a community is important.  I have many communities in my life, and this group of friends is a community I cherish.  It is amazing to have this group of great women who are my friends that I love to spend time with. 

Even though we all turn 60 this year, I still learn things about each and every one of them that pleasantly surprise me.

It is pretty amazing.

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Tell us about a special community you belong to where you are committed and open to those in that community.

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