Confessing to David and Julia

By Paul Roberts

Cat stretched out on a hardwood floor

Warmed by the February fire

Ear twitches, tail switches

Dreaming of summer sun

“Mr. Roberts, there is no way you are an introvert!”

I heard that line, or something very similar to it, many times during my 30 year career as a high school English, Speech, and Drama teacher. I can understand why my students felt that way. Why, at Kellogg High School it was not at all unusual for me to greet students - any student, not just the ones that I had in class - with an acapella song and a bit of old man choreography as they came through the doors onto the third floor hallway at KHS. My Drama and Speech students knew that Mr. Roberts was always up for a game of Charades, time permitting. And, oh the fun I had on those special “dress up” days that are such a big part of the American high school experience. I think carrying around the life-size cardboard cutout of Robert Pattinson as the character Edward Cullen from the movie Twilight as my double during “twin day” back in 2008 is one of my favorites. Challenging, though. It was hard to engage with students and be that sullen. I remember standing by the windows a lot so my skin would sparkle in the sun. 

So, when one of my students would dare to doubt me, my typical response to their disbelief that I tend toward introversion by nature was to suggest that we all play various roles throughout any given day, and that, on occasion, court jester was as good a description of my role in that moment as anything else. After all, the principle skills used by medieval court jesters were songs, music, and storytelling.

That would seem to fit the “creative consultant” Grow Me a Story life that Carol and I are working our way towards. A life where I regularly interact with people through my writing. I have just one small problem with the whole concept: It scares me to have people read my stuff.

Dog stretched out on a hardwood floor

Cooled by the February chill

Nose twitches, tail switches

Dreaming of cats on the run

It occurs to me as I write this that “it scares me” is somewhat inaccurate. It’s the shorthand phrase I use with Carol sometimes when our conversation works its way around to my writing. It would be more accurate to say that it makes me uncomfortable when I imagine people reading what I write. Perhaps it’s the lack of control over the message. In my classroom I lived by the quote from author Gail Godwin, “Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.” Throughout my career in the classroom, on the stage, from the pulpit, I labored - happily - under the concept that rapport with my students, or my audience, comes first, before any message. In my experience both teachers and preachers are notorious for repeating and rephrasing their message to an audience to ensure their audience gets it. Stage actors get one shot with any given audience, but rehearsal refines the message, and allows the actor to connect with the living, breathing organism that is his audience. 

Writers don’t get to do that. That lack of control over the message is so disconcerting!

However, the psalmist David said “confession is good for the soul…” Didn’t he? He wrote down those exact words, and I know the exact tone and meaning...right? And he is going to be really disappointed if I don’t get it.

In her book the Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron states “It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.”

I sure hope the psalmist and Julia are right, because I have poetry, essays, short stories, and the beginnings of at least one novel that, I confess, I would love to share from time to time on these pages. Along with some of the Grow Me a Story tips and tasks that Carol and I want to share to help you discover the wonderful things that happen when we open ourselves up to the creative force inside of all of us.

Man stretched out on a hardwood floor

Staring at the February fire

Tired muscle twitches, dry skin itches

Dreaming of sleep before one